


The Wings That Set Me Free

by tookawaiitodie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drug Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:59:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3373829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tookawaiitodie/pseuds/tookawaiitodie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi had no place among the living, and the one person who could have made that change came a day too late. He was sorely mistaken when he thought that death would bring him release. It only began a new chapter in his existence; one with a new key player that switches Levi's view on life. One kind soul that actually gives the broken boy a chance rather than turning away from the daunting walls that Levi has built around himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Chance Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets Eren.

Levi’s heels clicked down the pavement adjacent to Pixis University. The glorious founder was quite a character, they had been told, and when he passed on the school was renamed in his memory. Now it had become the sparkling jewel of the entire Shigan District. But one boy in particular felt this gem was nothing but dolled up coal. He saw PU for what it was: filth. Maybe the students put on a sweet face, but in reality it was a nasty place that took Darwinism to a tragically severe level.

Levi had always tried to keep to the shadows to avoid the slaughter, but it seemed the farther he ran the faster they chased. It seemed his collars and oversized sweaters earned him a prime spot on the “kids to fuck with” list. Every brat he came across either wanted to pick a fight, or stayed as far away as possible from his menacing stare. Even the teachers treated him like garbage. His first period teacher, Mr. Shadis was the worst. He had no trouble being an ass, but seemed to really struggle with teaching them anything apart from what not to be like. Example A: Levi Rivalle Ackerman. No matter how much he ducked his head and tried to stay under the radar, it seemed it only drew more attention to the petite boy. So, like every other day he stared at the ground with his earbuds blasting tunes so loud that the beat shook his entire body. His eyes fixed on his boots slapping the concrete, when suddenly he found himself shoved to the ground; headphones ripped out from his ears. Out of habit he flinched. Then he realized there was no shoe awaiting his wrecked body.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Here, let me get your books for you!” the upbeat voice chirped. Levi knew the voice well. He hung out with the monsters who tormented the short male, but this one was different. Instead of using being a member of the best soccer team in the state to be an arrogant prick, Eren was into charity and being fucking perfect all the time. At everything. The only thing he had ever been accused of was being too sweet. As if that were a crime. 

“I’m fine. Please don’t touch my things. I have them in a very specific order,” Levi groaned.

“Sorry, but you can’t get rid of m-“his voice broke off and his hands shook the flimsy paper he had happened to pick up. When he at last found his voice a tinge of sorrow was laced in with his usual playfulness.

“Are you alright?” Eren tried to keep his tone light. As Levi had bent down to pick up his belongings, his sleeve had been tugged up by his position. His bared wrist revealed several fresh deep gashes that marred his skin. 

“It’s nothing. I was playing with my cat and he scratched me.” He huffed and gathered the rest of his things rather swiftly.

“Listen-“Eren was cut off by the earbuds retreating to their usual spot and Levi storming off in dreadful silence.

Eren was shaken by the encounter. He knew Levi had troubles with drugs. Everyone did. So it could have been a fight with some dealer that left those marks. But something about the way he was so desperate to escape after that moment haunted Eren for the rest of the day. 

‘Maybe I should have said something else to him. I wonder if he’s okay.’

Eren’s stomach knotting and head spinning with regrets made the entire rest of the day a nightmare. He finally calmed down by assuring himself that he would find Levi tomorrow at his usual spot and attempt to strike a conversation with the introvert.


	2. Blissful Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible human. Enjoy :)

Death was a tricky mistress. Sometimes she'd deceive her lover, or just up and leave them in the same shitty place they started out. A deep breath. This was it. The final stand. If he didn't end it all tonight the rest of his life would be pity parties and hateful comments. There would be no hesitation. Death had been close so many times before, but he never could reach close enough to grasp it. It was a shame that it had to come to this instead of going out flying. But he needed this. Nothing would stop him this time. Steady, slender fingers reached out for the first bullet. His room mate just so happened to have really bad anxiety when it came to spending time with his family. Of course, he couldn't let them know that they were the root of his issues, so he opted for pretending that he took the Zoloft all the time. In actuality he had bottles and bottles stacked up in the dorm. The scotch made them slide easily down. Each slurp sloppier than the last.

Bang bang bang each bullet shot down his throat in a burning glory. At last Levi decided to wait; afraid that any more would cause him to hurl and lose all of his progress. The only problem was that he didn't care much for waiting. After a long while of staring blankly into the flame of a lavender scented candle that illuminated the room in a soft light that betrayed the mood, he burst out laughing. It was a sickening, hollow chuckle. "I guess I knew it wouldn't be that easy. After all the shit I've taken my body wouldn't quit so easily. Not from these at least." He scoffed at the label that told him he should already be dead. Sighing, he stood shakily and peered up at option B.

Levi always thought choking a bit vulgar, but it beat making a mess of his guts and blood all over. The noose's slender outline was defined vividly by the flames that licked at the oxygen that gave them life. Surprisingly enough, he didn't know how to tie knots, so he ended up improvising with a collar and chain he had. The chain gleamed in the dim light, coiled tightly around the ceiling fan as if it too was being choked. A rickety antique chair was his path to freedom.

Bare feet hit the splintered wood with a frightening crack. Step off now. 

One foot.

Two.

Now hanging.

Swinging.

Gaspin g 

Tryi ng To Br eath

Fai ling

Vi sio n Go ing Bla ck

Roo m Ma te Wa lk ing In 

To o L a t e

He unhooked the chain and held a cold, empty body in trembling arms. Checking for a pulse. Calling 911. 'Why?'

This entity feels much lighter. Light headed. Everything darkens and he loses sight. Now he's on another plane. One of nothing. The blankness is oddly pleasant. He lets it swallow him. 'No more worry,' it promises. 'No more hate,' it insists. 'No more pain,' it exclaims. It engulfs his being. He drifts aimlessly. There is nothing but him. He's finally at peace with the torments inside of him as he floats dreamily into an eternity of emptiness. Oblivion becomes his reality. His entirety. He is nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp I hope that wasn't awful. If you see any grammar mistakes or have any criticisms PLEASE tell me as long as it's constructive. Woot so I've been terrible about this mostly because I was in the hospital for a couple of months, but also because I'm really lazy. Buuuut I hope to try to update every week. Hope you all enjoy and feedback is very welcome!


	3. Cold Heart, Warm Blankets

Eren yawned and crawled out of his bed in a sleepy haze. He slipped on some pajama pants and grabbed a towel before heading to the bathroom.

'KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK' 

"Mikaaassssaaaaa! Are you gonna be done soon? I woke up late so I didn't get to shower before. Sorry..." He barely finished before beginning to doze against the smooth wooden door. However, his bliss was short lived as his sister opened the door, sending him falling face first into the tiled floor. He jolted up and muttered a thank you before wiping the little bit of drool from his mouth and locking himself in the still steamy room. He shed his baggy pants and slipped into the still running shower. "That wastes water!" He called out. "Well it's better than making us late by having you wait for it to heat up again!" Mikasa yelled back. He didn't expect her to respond. Sometimes he forgot how superb her hearing was. Once the burning shower had cleared out all of the drowsiness that had threatened to overtake him earlier Eren was ready to go in a snap. Of course he did get a look from Mikasa when he came down with his hair pointing every which way; but she seemed to muse it to her liking with just her hands. Then came a fruit and toast and a pat on the back out the door that would lead to yet another mildly unpleasant day.

It was about midday while Eren was almost snoozing in science when he heard one of the first sparks of what would soon become a wildfire. There had been a buzz all day, but it's the kind where everyone is too afraid to speak in anything more than a hushed tone. "Um...Mr. Hannes, so....I was wondering if you knew about the dead kid. Like who he was...? I had heard that he was one of your students." She peered up at him in an insincere attempt to look sympathetic. "Hitch!" She was poked in the ribs by a none too happy popular girl named Annie. Hannes opened his mouth and it seemed like words spilled from his mouth before he could keep track of what was rolling out. "Well you see Levi was a great kid and I heard in this email that he got in an accident of some sort something with pills or bad lungs or something but not really didn't really know him...um...wait..." He took the longest breath I think a human has ever taken before starting up again. "Ignore all of that. Sorry. I need a moment to clear my head. It's just that I know Mr. Ackerman's parents and...you know what...class dismissed." As he waved them out Eren's drowsy mind was finally piecing together what had just occurred. Levi. Mister. Ackerman. Fuck. A shock wave raced through his entire body. Fuck. Levi. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. But he had seen him just yesterday. No. This wasn't real. This wasn't possible. No. Fuck. Fuck.

It took until arriving in the middle of the quad before the numb, raw, brutal shock of it all wore off and tears flowed steadily as if they had been best friends. No. He knew why. He knew why this news was eating at his stomach with every breath. It was so obvious. So god damn obvious. It had been right there in front of him and he just let him go. He could have SAVED him. Could have kept him from himself. But no. He decided to keep quiet for appearances sake. Don't help the emo kid. Just help him up and leave it be. Let him deal with his own shit. You'll just see him tomorrow. Just ask if he's okay. But of course he wasn't okay. How the fuck could someone be okay when they carve into themselves and need to blare their music so loud that they drown out the world. At this point he was shaking, rocking back and forth in the middle of the school grounds. As hard as he tried to shake it, the sight of those scars was burned into his mind. He just wanted to curl up and disappear. What was wrong with him? These feelings were completely new and unanticipated. As his breathing was heightening to a dangerous rate a hand grasped his arm. "Eren?" A worried whimper inquired as arms wrapped around his frigid body.

Armin was always a lifesaver, and today was no different. He took the shell shocked Eren back to his flat and wrapped him up in fuzzy blankets while his angel of a room mate Charlie made him some tea and cookies. While Armin tried to shake Eren out of his ghost like state, Charlie tried the more effective method of distraction. He soon began to sip at his tea and nibble at cookies while teenage girls sang songs and tried to get an idol club together on the TV. Charlie would occasionally hold their hands to their heart when the himedere character showed up, and Armin would laugh at them. They both sang along to the songs under their breaths, but tried to seem casual about it. Eventually Eren actually became somewhat invested in the talented first year and cheered her on. He could see Armin and Charlie exchange knowing glances out of the corner of his eye and slipped into a comfortable numb state for the remainder of the day. At one point they all took a break to eat dinner, but then continued on in the surprisingly loveable and addicting show.

Eren ended up falling into an uneasy sleep on their cushy couch that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late on that update. I had a friend over who lives kinda far away and I got to go to a drag show. Yee. Also, Charlie is the only character who isn't from SNK so yeah the others may be minor characters but I tried to be sort of true to their character. Tell me if there's anything wrong please!


	4. The Color Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well this has only taken me forever. I'm sorry ive been in California for a month visiting my aunt and uncle and I was so busy and now I have a ton of school work to do but im gonna try my best to update i promise. >~

Eren had felt like shit for a week straight. This was a new record for him. He honestly didn't have that difficult a life, and the only stress he had came from tests and Mikasa's constant nagging. He was responsible. It was like he had murdered him with his own hand. The image of his tortured, beautiful face flashed through his mind, and in the moment of distraction, ran face first into a street lamp. "Ow! Shit!" He had also gotten his fowl mouth back. Eren dragged his feet across the pavement, hunched over, tired eyes staring at the ground. He hadn't slept since staying at Armin's. Everyone he hadn't been able to avoid at school received lifeless stares when they asked what was wrong. No one could understand. And if they knew, they would call him out for being the monster that he already knew he was. As he dragged himself back home, dark thoughts crept into his mind. He was greeted at the door by an eager Mikasa holding a plushy onesie and wearing a matching one. She grinned widely and threw the pink panda bear print at him. "What the fuck is this." Eren deadpanned. "Something to cheer you up! Now hurry and put that on yourself, or I'll do it for you." She gave a smile that said 'just try me bitch; you better put on that damn onesie'.

Eren knew she wasn't kidding, so he reluctantly slumped off his backpack and headed upstairs to change. He stumbled into his closet and nearly fell over from exhaustion. He shimmied into the fuzzy contraption and started back downstairs. He could at least do this, considering Mikasa had actually gotten into something pink for him. She absolutely despised the color, but knew it was his favorite. Awaiting him at the dinner table was a huge bowl of mac and cheese and a note that said, "Don't let all my 15 min. of slaving over the hot stove be for nothing." For the first time he smiled, felt it was wrong, and went back to his dreary expression. The creamy smoothness and warmth of the dish thawed his heart just a little, and gave him a bit more energy to do whatever Mikasa had planned. When he was finished he called out, albeit weakly, for his sister. He followed her voice to the living room where she was awaiting him, Wii remote gripped tightly in her hand. The Just Dance screen glowed behind her. "R-really? But we haven't s-since dad..." he clenched his toes at the pain of remembering those days. "Hey, shh shh shh shh shh." Mikasa padded over and began rubbing his back. "Don't think about that stuff, just think about all the good times we had together. Think about what he was like before then." Then, just like that, she was back to the energetic sister who had greeted him at the door. “Alright, which song first? I’ll even let you pick your avatar first.” She nudged him and Eren took the remote with a sigh and the tiniest hint of a smile. At first he was mopily doing the hand motions and nothing else, but his competitive side got the better of him and he began preforming each move with vigor. By the time Carla arrived home they were slumped in a pile of sweat and laughter on the floor. She soon joined in herself, even though she had been on her feet serving customers all day. They danced until they were too tired to move. It was one of the best family moments from after his dad left.

Eren slept soundly for the first time that night.


	5. Am I Hallucinating Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have fun w this :)

Eren awoke to a warm mass snuggled up in a ball at his feet. "C'mon Petra. You're squishing my legs." He gently nudged the lump with his leg and it groaned. At this Eren peered out from his cave of warmth and nearly screamed. Hands over his mouth, a shaking Eren scrambled out of bed and sat in shock on the floor at the dark, human ball that lay huddled on his bed. "E-excuse me?" Eren tried to raise his voice just loud enough so the intruder would wake up and hopefully not assault him. An irritated moan and a shift in the bundle told Eren he had succeeded. "Shit, am I alive still?" it moaned. Wait. Eren knew that voice. From somewhere. Yes, it had been haunting his dreams ever since that day. "LEVI!?!?" Eren shot up from where he had fallen on his ass in fright. "What? Who are you? Where am I? Am I alive?" Levi shifted slightly, but didn't face Eren. Eren launched himself at the ball, only to realize that there was something in his way. He never remembered having a fluffy black blanket. When he tried to remove it Levi yelped in pain. "Ow! That hurt, shithead!" Levi finally emerged, and took along with him the "blanket" that spread widely behind him. No, not a blanket. Wings. Huge, fluffy, jet black wings spread from Levi's back. An irritated moan escaped his mouth as he rubbed the circles under his eyes and stretched his wings. "Fuck! Eren? What the fuck are you doing here? Did you die too? What is this place?" A groggy rasp escaped his throat. It was so far from his usual smooth tone that it took Eren aback. "Umm... this is my house. I don't think I'm dead. And what happened to you? Did you run away? Everyone thinks you're dead! God, Levi!" The way he said it like he really gave a fuck pissed Levi off. "I don't know why or how I got here, okay Jaeger?!? I WISH I was fucking dead! But seeing as I'm not I guess you can get on with your PERFECT life while I go try to off myself again!" Eren was too wounded to speak. He already felt like shit about the whole subject, but now Levi himself really brought it home. "Levi, please..." he tried to reach for the tiny boy's arm, but Levi just brushed him off before storming out of his room.  
No  
No  
No no no  
He could not let this happen again.  
This time it would really be his fault.  
"Levi!" He screamed as he bolted down the stairs. Panicking, he checked outside and called out to the street. "Levi!"  
But he was gone.  
Maybe it was a guilty conscience. Maybe he was still dreaming. Maybe this is how he coped with death. Whatever it was, it left him curled up into himself, bawling his eyes out on the floor. He was shaking so badly. The worst one. This was the worst one. He never let anyone know about his private little freak outs. He had made sure of that. But now here he lay, screaming silently in agony and shaking like he did after the first ti-no he was NOT going to think about that. He was going to pick himself up before Mikasa found him like this. "Eren?!" Too late. "Eren, why were you yelling? What happened?! Eren please!" She reached down, but retracted her hand just as quickly. Like he would break if she so much as touched him. He probably would. "I'm alright. J-j-just s-stubbed my toe really badly is all." She could tell he was lying through his teeth. He was practically vibrating and digging his nails into his flesh so hard that he was probably bleeding. He couldn't even feel it. He couldn't feel anything. He could feel everything. It was too much. It was all too much. All the memories he had buried found their way rushing back and playing through his head like a horror film that haunts nightmares until time wipes it away. But no amount of time could fix this. 'IT HURTS!' he wanted to blare. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out. He wanted to shut down and not ever have to speak again. Mikasa gently removed his hand from his arm, now wet with blood. "Hey." she spoke softly. "You don't have to tell me what's going on right now, but you do have to promise me that you won't do anything stupid." He nodded weakly while she searched his eyes for signs that he was telling the truth. Finally she sighed and let go of his arm. She held out her finger to say 'one sec' and disappeared into the kitchen. A moment later she returned with a few band aids, some disinfectant, and a wet paper towel. Once she had cleaned and bandaged his wounds, she gave him a small peck on his forehead. "I think you should stay home today. Get some rest. I know you haven't been sleeping." So she really did know everything. He could never hide from Mikasa. "Thanks mom, but I think education is more important than recovering from such a stupid little accident." He tried to brush it off so hard, but she could hear the pain in his voice. "Alright, Eren. But you have to promise me that you'll be okay." She sounded more worried than usual. Well, she had never seen him break down like that. But, no. He needed to go to school. He needed to talk to Armin and figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't the best chapter, buuuutt I'm trying. The pieces are all there in my head, but I seem to be rushing to get them all out and therefore am not putting in the detail that I want. I guess I just want everyone to be happy, but alas, I'm writing a depressing fic :') welp as always I'm open to criticism and error correction. Oh! I made playlists on spotify for Eren and Levi and then for the fic overall. My spotify is Fin Nieberg, and I think you guys can view them. I felt like Levi would kind of have my taste in music, while Eren would love pop trash in secret. Like he would listen to rap around all his friends, but listen to Lady Gaga and Lana when alone. Tell me if there are any songs you think I should add! As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
